For years I watched as my dad drank himself out of our family. As a result of his addiction to prescription pain medication and alcohol, he became a homeless man living under bridges. As a teen-age girl, watching her father slowly slip away, I felt helpless to stop it.
Years later, I found myself watching my husband slowly doing the same thing. Since addiction is a disease that intensifies slowly, a few beers turns into a twelve pack or two before the addict or their loved ones know it. My husband didn't intentionally develop into an alcoholic, no more than my dad did. It is something they were both born with. The addiction is a genetic disease according to the American Medical Association. For them, it only takes one drink of alcohol to become addicted to it.
Like with my dad, I felt helpless to stop my husband from drinking. My lack of control of Patrick's addiction caused a deep need to control other areas of my life. I attempted to control how much he drank by buying his beer for him. Before I knew it, I had become co-dependent and in need of controlling every other aspect of our lives. My world began to spin around in a perpetual circle of me trying to control the outcome of every situation. All the while, I felt completely out of control. Can you relate?
My life had become completely unmanageable. I had tried for so many years to be God instead of letting God be God. After reading Matthew 16:24 I finally realized I had to deny my selfish need to control situations and outcomes.
"Then Jesus said to His disciples, 'If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.'"
I continuously searched for a way to not lose my life with my husband. Fear that he would become homeless and apart from me like my dad is what caused the distorted thinking. Reading Matthew 16:24 made me realize, in order for me to find the life I need, I have to deny my selfishness, take up my cross of faith and follow Jesus and his ways. Once I did, I found the peace and serenity of recovering from living with alcoholism.
"I am not in control of people or situations. God is in control. " - Kimberly Dewberry
I am not in control of people or situations. God is in control. He knows what is best for us. We must have the faith to believe he will take care of us and lead us in the right direction. In order for my recovery journey to begin, I simply had to let go and let God take over where I failed miserably. After all, I am NOT God. God is God!
Think About It:
Have you watched a loved one struggle with addiction?
Have you felt out of control as a result?
Read Isaiah 45:6-7, Isaiah 55:8-11, and Matthew 19:26.
Can you start letting go and letting God be God?
Journal About it:
Journal about how the scriptures today resonated with you. As you write, let go and let God take control of your life.
Pray About it:
As you think and write about your need to control, say this prayer with me.
Thank you for your power and knowing what is best for me. Your ways are much higher than my ways. Help me let go today and give control back to you. I have failed at trying to control everyone and everything in my life. Teach me and guide me to know when to stop trying to do what only you can do.
In Jesus’ Precious Name,
Talk About it:
This is my story, what’s yours? I would love to hear from you! I enjoy connecting and keeping in touch. Do you feel as though you don’t have anyone you can share with confidentially? Your anonymity is protected. Do you feel you are the only one struggling with the aftereffects of growing up with an alcoholic parent? Sweet sister, YOU are not alone! It’s time to break free from the shackles of your shame, fear, and anxiety!