February Series - God, Grant me Serenity - Week One
By taking the first step in my recovery journey, I admitted my life had become unmanageable as a result of the alcoholics in my life. As I take the next step, I believe that only God has the power to restore me and free me from my bondage.
I accept only God has control over me and those around me. I accept God is my refuge and can renew my soul. I do have the power to control my behavior and my reactions. I determine the thoughts I ponder on, the words I speak, and the responses I have. I do not have control over the thoughts, words, reactions, or behaviors of others.
There were times in my life I would yell, scream, or become extremely angry to express myself. I would, regrettably, lash out at my children, my mother, and others I loved. I battled with eating disorders, depression, and excessive shopping. As I became older I stuffed my feelings deep within. I built a wall around me so no one could gain access and have the freedom to hurt me.
I attempted to heal the pain of living with alcoholism in my family without the help of God or anyone else. I attempted to control my situation with food. I had control over how much food passed my lips, so I chose to avoid it altogether. When that failed, I turned to shopping to fill my emptiness. I found the great sale items, buy them without thinking of the consequences, but soon felt empty again when the new wore off. Each time, I ended up in a state of depression and withdrawal from my family. I spun around on an out of control merry-go-round.
Then, I found God. Oh, He was there all along, just waiting on me to realize He is the answer I needed. I now know I have the serenity within to control both extremes of behavior. This serenity comes from my relationship with my Heavenly Father. If my behavior and reactions can stand improvement, I have the freedom to ask God for help. God is the one who can turn the chaos into serenity.
Through my steps of recovery I realized God’s character is to love. He is not condemning in His love, but I do have to answer to Him for my beha