I’ve shared before how Playing Hide and Seek with God doesn’t work. Take it from me, when God needs your attention, you know it. Step five doesn’t just show us we are to admit to ourselves and to others the exact nature of our wrongs, but it lists God first. God is who we really need to confess to before anyone else. He is there waiting on us to do just that. To be honest, in the beginning of my recovery journey, that scared me a little.
I imagined God sitting on His mighty throne in the clouds, staring down at me and shaking his head in disgust. I thought for years his silence meant anger. There was no way possible He could love me after the way I had acted over time. As a result, I tried hiding from Him, in hopes He would just forget about all that stuff I stored away in my baggage.
But, you see, that’s not quite how our Father works.
There is no doubt in my mind He sits on a mighty throne. I also know He knows all things (Psalm 139:15-16). There is nothing I have done, can do, or will do that I can hide from Him. I am wasting my time thinking I could keep my thoughts, actions, and words from Him. Having come to this realization through Step Four, now I am ready to make my confessions from my personal inventory.
God loves me and He gives me grace.
I stop for a moment. I drop to my knees. My heart races for fear of rejection. Although the tears begin to form, I pour out the contents of my inventory in a deep prayer to God. Moments pass as I am confessing to God where I have wronged others. I ask for forgiveness. As I close my prayer, I can almost feel His arms wrapping around me. I know in that moment that I am forgiven. God loves me and He gives me grace. He shows me mercy. He thanks me for confessing to Him. The fear I felt is gone and is replaced with peace. Tears of hurt and embarrassment are flowing now from joy.
You see, God already knew what I had recorded in my personal inventory. He was with me as I toiled over it in Step Four. All He wanted was for me to make my confession to Him. I was already forgiven when Jesus was crucified and rose from the dead. In order for me to receive the forgiveness God, the Father offers I must confess to Him any sins that are holding me back (Romans 10:9).
This journey of mine will continue until I reach heaven. At that time, I will still have to answer for this life I’m living. I will stand before God on that day and as Romans 14:12 tells us,