Hey all the single ladies!
Singleness will always be a popular topic of conversation.
How do you view singleness? A curse, a disease, a sore, or maybe a taboo subject. To you it could be a trigger to painful memories that “everyone” else is married, has or is having children, or everyone else is in a relationship but you?
Hear me when I say I totally get it! Often times in my journey of singleness, I’ve had the same thoughts. I’ve never been in a relationship before. Over the years I’ve read books, blogs, articles, attended teachings about relationships, and listened to Sermons on the topic. In fact, I’ve had over 10 years of the same teachings about relationships, how to date, how to prepare for marriage. They all have something different to offer us single ladies.
Now, without sounding like I’m against teachings about relationships, let me assure you that I’m all for teaching! Here’s my 411 on singleness.
God, is there something wrong with me?
Ever asked God this question before? I have! Especially after a friend got married, had a baby, or news of someone else getting engaged reached my ears!
After making several mistakes of misreading signs that a Christian guy “likes me” I’ve discovered that actually he’s just being nice. I’ve also questioned myself about a text message I received meant something more than what it said. Often times when we are in the singleness, we can read into things because we have those relationship goals to be like others in our circle.
How do I know if he really likes me? 🤔
Listen, if a guy wants to get to know us more and pursue a Christ centered relationship with us (shy or not) HE WILL TELL US.
I just want to encourage you in this, if you’re in the situation where you’ve been getting to know a guy that you like (and I mean more than physically) and he encourages you to draw closer to God and you do the same, give him some time, give him grace, to do what God has created him to do – LEAD.
If he’s serious about pursuing a real relationship, for him there’ll be things that he needs to do, before approaching you. He’ll want (we hope) to pray and talk about it with God FIRST, then his Pastor or Godly men in his life, and one or two of his boys, but he will let you know, you won’t be left confused!
I’ve learned the real question I need to ask myself, wasn’t what’s wrong with me, rather, Lord show me how to love myself. Look to God for guidance in why I keep repeating the same mistakes, expecting a different result 🤦
And God did just that.
I pray that what I’ve learned and am still learning encourages you:
1. Get to know God intimately
The more time we spend with God, at His feet and in His Word, the more we begin to reflect His likeness and image.
“So God created man in his own image; he created him in the image of God; he created them male and female.”
I’ve learned we can either be like Mary, who sat at the feet of Jesus, or Martha, fleeting up and down rushing around to get things ‘in order’. All that’s really required is to just sit at the feet of Jesus, learn to rest and be content in His presence.
“She had a sister named Mary, who also sat at the Lord’s feet and was listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by her many tasks, and she came up and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to serve alone? So tell her to give me a hand.” The Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has made the right choice, and it will not be taken away from her.”
2. Be content in who you are
Content—happy, satisfied, at ease and comfortable—in who He’s made you to be. I recently discovered a word that I love—idiosyncrasies. This simply means; quirks, peculiarities, habits, characteristics. I believe this also means to be comfortable that God knows all of it, and still He loves us. In all of us He adds the fruits of the Spirit to our weaknesses.
3. Don’t compare yourself
You are not the only one who is not married, engaged, or having babies. We don’t know the struggles the pain, the joy and the journey it takes to get to where everyone is in their life. Even if we do, it’s their journey, and it’s not going to be the same for us. God has created us as I N D I V I D U A L S and unique.
A friend of mine always says this; “these things take time”. As much as this frustrated me, the reality is, it’s T R U T H. One thing I needed and continue to need on my journey of singleness, is to be F I L L E D with the T R U T H of God’s Word, instead of believing the lies that everyone else was seemingly something that I wasn’t.
4. Serve others
I love to serve! That doesn’t mean serving because I think I’ll get married at the end of it, but because I just love to help others anyway. I find that my time is filled in serving the local Church in Ministry. In serving my focus in on and not myself.
God has deposited gifts inside of us that the world is waiting to receive!
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves.”
5. Allow God to heal any unresolved hurts
This may take some time, but we all carry baggage, hurts, disappointments, frustrations and extremely unrealistic expectations. 🙌 We can go through life even in Christ, as if everything is plain sailing at all times. We’re good at leading others to believe that we got it all together, but when the people go their separate ways, and we go home, we’re left with the insecurities, fears, worries and shame that we fight so hard for others not to see through fear of not being liked, or people viewing us differently.
I allowed God in with me and my healing began. The process wasn’t quick, but before we can even think of having someone else in our lives, we need to go through some healing. For me, that was through counselling, prayer, and allowing God’s love to come in. I think we’ll always be on that journey, just different aspects.
“He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.”
God has shown me that however long I’m single, my mind needed renewing to being God focused and when that changed I’d be ready in His timing. In the meantime, I’ll travel, enjoy God, continue blogging, learn to love myself, learn my likes and dislikes, and enjoy my singleness. It’s a position, not a disease. I can be my best me now. There’s much to discover about God, others and myself. Even in the singleness.
Verona is a SINGLE woman who loves God, people and W O R S H I P! She absolutely loves to see people exuberantly worshiping God. She is also passionate about serving and encouraging women to become all that God has called and created them to be. She is avidly studies and teaches God’s living and active Word. Ever since she can remember she has loved writing. It wasn’t until a friend encouraged her to write ‘memoirs of her journey’ that God opened the door for the creative gift of writing to encourage others across the World, with her blog Memoirs of Faith. She is excited for the next part of her journey.
"Be encouraged as you read and I pray that you’ll leave encouraged to go deeper in the Lord." ~ Verona