It seems like bad attitudes are the poison of choice around our house. Sulkiness, guilt trips, pity parties, cold shoulders, silent treatment….yup, the ugly truth. When someone is mad, the house becomes a hostile takeover zone. The atmosphere is both sharp and blunt all at the same time. You could cut the tension with a knife, except you’re not even sure where to cut. It only takes on person to start the trend and then everyone else soon follows into the dark angry hole that gets so deep nobody’s even sure why we are mad anymore and it becomes a blame game. Everybody brooding about how it’s everybody else’s fault and nobody steps up to do anything about it. OOOhhhh, I can’t even imagine how happy the devil must get when he sees us slipping into the quicksand.
This is by far the most painful part of marriage and parenting (for me).
A few months ago I was the culprit of the cycle. I wanted compassion and pity but my husband told me “to take my problem up with God” because “he didn’t know what to do with me”.
Oh my goodness, if I thought I was upset before, that pushed me right over the edge. I was so angry I was slamming doors and driving down to church was probably not the safest thing I’d ever done in my life. But, I did it. Yes, I know I don’t need to go to church to talk to God but I needed to get out. I wasn’t going to even go in because I was so angry, but something prompted me. So, I turned my anger on God. (Yeah, I’m not proud of it, but I did).
Surprisingly, for the first time during the whole experience I felt listened to, I felt validated. He let me let loose on Him and then in one miraculous instant He reduced me to tears. Humble tears. Holy tears. Healing tears.
For the first time in several months I was able to see beyond myself. I was able to see the damage my attitude was doing to those around me and to my relationship with God. I was humbled and lifted out of my despair.
The same thing happened this past week + weekend, but this time it was my husband’s problem. I tried everything I knew to try to bring him out of his funk myself but only served to make it worse. Finally I tried a sincere apology for not noticing that something was building up sooner, and this time HE lost it, thinking I was being condescending. He told me it wasn’t my problem and stormed out of the house.
He came back a few hours later a new man. There was still quite a bit of residual emotional exhaustion in the air of course but it was like air cleansed after a rainstorm. We could talk again. He could smile again. He didn’t need to say anything, and I knew all was right again with the world. I didn’t need to ask where he had gone, He had taken his problem to God – and God had taken it upon Himself.
Then I realized, that every time we get in this funk, God is the only way we can get out of it. Why I didn’t see the trend sooner, I don’t know, but the point is I see it now.
Our attitudes come from selfishness, from focusing so much on ourselves, our worries, our problems, the fact that we DESERVE the pity, attention, love, respect, etc. that we seek. We are too concerned with justifying our anger and being RIGHT, regardless of the people that it hurts. We are so focused on ourselves that we forget how to love. Love is incompatible with selfishness. LOVE HIMSELF is the only thing that can bring us back into the light and allow our eyes to focus once again on what matters.
So cast your cares on Him today. Bring Him your hurt. Bring Him your pain. Bring Him your righteous anger. Bring Him your frustrations, your excuses, and your mess. Bring Him all your darkest parts and all your hidden places, because, my dear, HE CAN TAKE IT!!! (and the best part is that He will!)
Hi! My name is Carolyn and I am a happily married wife of 8 years (despite what this post suggests, haha) and a mother of 5 littles. I run ParticularlyCALLED and am attempting to start another business while my husband works full time for the Post Office. Our life is crazy insane but grounded in the peace that comes from an intimate and unshakable relationship with God. ParticularlyCALLED is a ministry that seeks to help you too discover a deep and passionate love affair with God, His plan for your life, and the person you are created to be. Read more about our family on our About Page.