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My Journey to Grace

How God Mends a Broken Marriage

My Journey to Grace FB

She's Stubborn Folks

I’m here to tell you, it’s never too late. It’s never too late to find grace. I have spent the majority of my life doing everything the hard way. Ask anyone who knows me. If it can be done in a more complicated way, I’ll do it. It comes as no surprise that finding the path that has brought me joy and contentment was achieved by taking the long, slow, and complicated route. I have discovered so many ways to screw up my life, that I now have become an expert in what doesn’t work for me. The beauty of this is that now I know how to be content and joyful even when life is hard, and maybe I can help others with that knowledge.

Like many women, I spent a large part of my adult years looking for an inner peace that we are told can only be attained by reading many self-help books. That you will achieve some oneness with the universe through yoga, chakra alignment, having your birth chart done, learning the secret of “The Secret”, putting yourself on the newest diet…etc. Always, your life will be better if you only do this or that. The reality is we are born with a strong desire to connect with something more than ourselves, most of us flail around fruitlessly trying to figure out what exactly it is. What I discovered was that “something”, was not what I thought it was. It was not a what, but a who.

The Wrong Things

I’m about to get real here because I want you to know that if a mess like me can get her stuff together then so can you. Oh, and here’s a little secret, you don’t have to be perfect to be a Christian! In fact, that’s kinda the whole point. The only thing you have to be willing to do is give up control and admit that you need help.

I spent my late teens and early twenties trying to find love and approval in all the wrong places. You know the story; high school dropout, party girl, too many of the wrong guys, couldn’t keep a job etc…. I was a mess. You can probably imagine all the details I’m leaving out. And the only person I had to blame, was me. I didn’t know it then, but God was trying to put the right things in my path, I was just too stubborn to realize it. That was the case until he decided to drop the perfect guy in my lap.

Aaron showed up in my life at the exact right time. God knew that at that moment I was ready for something different, something healthier. People always ask how I knew Aaron was the one. I tell them, “He was the one guy I could truly be my genuine self around. With all the others, I always held something back. I always hid a part of myself I thought the guy I was with wouldn’t like”. Aaron got to experience it all; the good, the bad, and the really ugly.

Happily Ever After

Happily Ever After?

Well, I found my prince, so this is the happily ever after part. Right? Wrong. In order to have a happily ever after in fairy tales the prince has to marry his princess; I was more like the witch. It was like the witch in Snow White ended up with the prince. And in this case I literally was, you see I was a self-practicing pagan. I really took the “self” part to its full extent though, because in paganism you learn that if you don’t like something in life you can manipulate it. And boy was I good at manipulating things! It was an extremely self-centered way to live.

Now before you start lighting the torches and grabbing the pitchforks, I’ll have you know that although I was Pagan, I wasn’t a very good one. People used to ask if I practiced black magic, I said, ” No, I try to create balance in the world, and the world has enough evil”. I know now as a Christian that that really doesn’t matter, but back then I believed that I was still a good person. I like to think that most of the good morals I was raised with, were still there in my head and heart. So how does this relate to grace? I want you to get the big picture; to see how far I’ve come.

Aaron was raised Christian and still believed in the fundamentals of his faith even after marrying me. So you can see how this could make for a shaky foundation to base a relationship on, much less a marriage. We were genuinely happy for awhile, if not stressed from time to time. Then came baby and all the blessings and stresses that come with that little bundle of joy!

Breaking Point