...and Why Do I Need It?
If you're like me, when addiction first started affecting your family some of your first thoughts may have gone something like this:
He/she needs to stop drinking/using.
I don't understand why he/she can't stop.
There has to be something I can do make him/her quit drinking/using.
If he/she loved me he/she would stop drinking/using.
He/she needs to get help or I’m done!
While these are all valid thoughts, they are focusing on the alcoholic/addict and his/her behavior. For now, I want us to focus on us.
While living in a dysfunctional or alcoholic household, it is rare for us to spend any time thinking or focusing on us. Am I right? We tend to spend the majority of our time focusing on the alcoholic or how to fix the alcoholic. Here's the cold, hard truth. Are you ready?
We cannot fix anyone. Period.
Here are some things to keep in mind as we begin talking about recovery for us.
We didn't cause the Alcoholic to drink, the addict to use, or the actions of the dysfunctional person.
We cannot change the alcoholic, addict, or dysfunctional person.
We cannot control the alcoholic, addict, or dysfunctional person.